Horrible bosses are a dime a dozen, and there’s no way you can escape from them. We’re not just talking about one terrible day at work, but actually having to report to someone who makes you want to take sick leave for the rest of your life.
We’re thanking our lords that Boss’s Day is not an occupational holiday which requires gifts, but most workplaces celebrate the upcoming holiday – Christmas. It’s only the most festive (and giving) season, after all. Whether it’s to show your appreciation (???) or because you have to thanks to that “Secret Santa Tradition”, there will come a time where you need to gift your boss a present.
We’re sure that you don’t want to give your horrible boss a good gift out of sheer spite, but you want to avoid coming off as distasteful. If you’ve clicked on this gift guide, you must be pretty desperate, so here are 13 terribly passive-aggressive gift ideas for the worst boss ever.
1. RUINDAYS DISGUISED GLITTER EVERYWHERE ENVELOPE, USD6
Available at ruindays.com
Extra fine glitter to make your boss all sparkly as he disappears in a poof of (your) happiness. If you’re feeling extra angsty, they have a spring-loaded glitter bomb too. And god bless your boss if he thinks this is a happy occasion.
2. HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE by DALE CARNEGIE, $17.44
Available at Kinokuniya book stores
Every hustler has a shelf full of self-improvement books because a wise man once said “Always dream and shoot higher than you know you can do”. Or they just really need some help with interpersonal relationships and have no idea where to turn to.
3. DAISO FOLDING COMPACT MIRROR, $2
Available at all Daiso stores
“It’s time for your boss to reflect on himself,” you tell yourself as you watch your boss exclaim that he’s been looking for a decent portable mirror all this while. At least you only spent $2 on it. One day, we hope that you’ll get the courage to tell your boss your actual thoughts.
4. FUN EXPRESS FOAM CHILL PILL STRESS TOYS, $48.32
Available at fishpond.com.sg
If you speak the passive-aggressive language, this Chill Pill Stress Toy is the perfect gift for your superior who’s totally a Louis Litt…since he’s Litt up all the time. If you don’t watch Suits, we’re referring to an irrational boss ruled by his/her emotions (who also takes mud baths and loves his cat a little too much).
5. B900 ADULOT HIKING BINOCULARS WITH X12 MAGNIFICATION, $60
Available at Decathlon stores
Originally made for observing nature or bird-watching, this pair of binoculars works in many ways. Compact and lightweight, this is a great gift for a boss who can’t seem to make good judgement and wise decisions. Hopefully, with this, your boss can make more farsighted moves. This item’s cheeky, underlying meaning is all in good-natured fun.
6. SOFT VELOUR HEATED SEAT CUSHION, $22.13
Available at Amazon
Got a boss who is away from the office 99% of the time, so much so that you don’t even remember how he/she looks like? Well, with this heated seat cushion, at least there will be something to warm your boss’ office chair.
7. MARPAC DOHM CLASSIC WHITE NOISE SOUND MACHINE, $185
Available at dropnoisestore.com
Bad bosses aren’t necessarily bad people, but they do make work challenging for the people around them. Tame your terrible office tyrant and his/her nitpicking with a classic white noise sound machine to drown out the noise in the office. Not only does it make a great gift for your boss, but it’s also a gift that your other colleagues will thank you for.
8. A HOLE PAPERWEIGHT, $62.30
Available at uncommongoods.com
A’s for success! You can tell them that as you and your colleagues snigger away at this witty paperweight that perfectly describes your boss — he probably won’t get it anyway.
9. WHITE ELEPHANT DESIGNS “OUT OF OFFICE” FLOPPY SUN HAT, USD58
Available at thewhiteelephantdesigns.com
When are they not? Guess you’ll have to cover your boss… again, while they’re out at some pristine beach sipping on piña coladas. Just remember not to roll your eyes when you see the pic on Instagram.
10. DOIY SLOW PUZZLE MONSTERA, $23
Available at naiise
Doesn’t this look aesthetic? Your boss would probably be really pleased to receive this, until he or she starts assembling it, that is. The point is to sadistically revel in putting them through the slow, debilitating torture of this 341-pieces puzzle, until completing it only yields a mildly satisfying whoop.
11. MIGHTY MUG GO: TEAL, USD19.99
Available at themightymug.com
It’s the mug that never spills! If you have a boss that flips over the littlest of things or if he/she is someone who’s easily triggered, you’ve found the perfect gift. No matter how many times your boss gets tilted during the day, these mighty mugs are able to withstand the strongest of winds. Forget about getting him/her that extra cuppa and continue spilling the tea on something else instead.
12. STARBUCKS DECAF HOUSE BLEND MEDIUM ROAST GROUND COFFEE
Available at your nearest Starbucks or at Amazon
What’s the point of drinking coffee if it doesn’t keep you awake and make you feel energised? Yes, there is no point at all — that is exactly why this will be the perfect gift for your horrible boss. Let them drink a cup of decaf coffee in the morning and hopefully they’ll be kinder and mostly just asleep throughout the day.
13. MUJI UMBRELLA, $24.90
Available at Muji retail stores
Just because they’ve got dark clouds over their heads wherever they go… But it’s not such a bad gift, they can actually use it when the weather’s as grey as them.
More of NYLON’s Holiday Gift Guides, coming soon — stay tuned! Click here to see our full list of gift guides.